happy canada day!

I don't really have too much to say at the moment.. school's been out for seven days and I've spent them melting my brain and swimming, reading, walking, eating, playing games outside, playing video games, sleeping, and drawing.

I'm in love with this outfit off sea of shoes... normally I'm not too into cowboy boots but those margiela ones are amazing.... short poofy skirts and oversized t-shirts are my favorite things ever, and that necklace is amazing.. perfect colors too. Usually I'm into outfits with tons of layers, but when it's something like this simple is perfect.

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So I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading.
I miss how easy it was to write on my old blog. I'm not sure what makes it difficult here.

For one thing, I don't want to make my blog too...intimate? Yeah. I write in a "real life" journal about feelings and angst and friends and crap. No one wants to read that. My therapist probably doesn't even want to listen to it... but she gets paid. But I digress.

I don't really know what I want to write about. Quite honestly I don't have too many interests or hobbies. I'm not really cut out to blog about fashion- as much as I love fashion, I'm not going to pretend I'm as creative/knowledgeable/fashionable/etc as people like Tavi or Laia. I don't get around the interwebz as much as I should, either. In general I don't really do anything that interesting. Then again, especially with summer in three days, I really want to start doing interesting things... I want to start making art again... I used to draw and make things all the time, but when I...uhh, imploded, about two years ago I stopped doing things. I want to start drawing, painting, making random crafts, making clothes, writing, learning piano, and such again. I'm not good at anything, really, but I might as well start trying to do things I like and be productive and not waste so much time.

This is kind of going along with what I was trying to say before I started rambling about art, but I don't want to be pretentious. Pretentiousness is the worst.

It isn't that I haven't been thinking- I overthink everything, and it's kind of scary. But a lot of my thoughts- the ones that might be remotely interesting and aren't OMGPANICDECISIONWHATDOIDONOW, anyway- are difficult for me to articulate clearly. This is probably because I'm not developing most of my ideas past the initial vagueness of them for whatever reason, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm good with words.

falling on the inside from your sky

sorry for the lack of posting. I'm going to try to start updating this again.
that's what I always say.
anyway.
this picture [from lookbook] kind of makes me implode and I love it.
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wake up your eyes and, darling, your smile

Today was the sort of day that makes you want to go home and sleep and not think and drown my angst in pretty things on the internet. To be honest, I've been having a lot of those days lately.
I've been taking pictures of my outfits pretty much every day before school but I'm too lazy to edit them, and besides, it's really hard to post on here because I don't have my own computer and my parents would more or less kill me if they found this.
I don't really know why I'm writing in here- just kinda feel like it, I guess. My mind is a confusing place to be. I know I had intentions of writing something but I don't really know what. I guess just rambling onto a screen helps me sort out my thoughts. Not really, though.
I don;t know what my problem is. I'm debating publishing this. I think I will, because no one reads this anyway. Gah, that sounds so bitter, but it's really no big deal to me that no one reads this. I mean it would be cool if people read this but it doesn't really bother me- there's no real content of any interest on here anyway, just a few mediocre outfits and some ramblings.
I'm going to stop now because this isn't going anywhere.

let's get out of here.

this weekend went by too fast.
Yesterday was the most fun I've had in a long time. It was a day filled with sunshine, gummi bears, wood chips, and an amazing school musical. Haha that was like the cheesiest sentence ever.

YESTERDAY:
wearing: my mom's old sweater, grandmother's old locket, volcom t-shirt, target shorts & tights.

ummyeah. I don't know, I'm lame.

& lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I.

on wednesday [my birthday, hehee] it was deliciously warm and sunny. And then today I wake up, look out the window, and see

THIS:

ummm birthday update time?
in addition to redecorating my room [a work in progress] I got a camera, the ruffly top I'm wearing below, iTunes money, and some CDs, among a few other things. I'm really happy :D
have some pictures.

YESTERDAY:
yes, a picture with my face, finally. I guess one may surface on here from time to time.
wearing free people top and vintage key on a crap chain. and probably some pants. and headphones that so don't go with this outfit :D

TODAY:
really sucky picture taken in a rush before school D:
wearing my mom's sweaterthing, grey t-shirt, ae shorts, target tights, f21 scarf, and sequined converse.
this lame photograph does not do that top's color justice. it is like the perfect shade of teal.

WHY YES, I AM DOING THE NANERPUS DANCE, THANKS

YESTERDAY// PI DAY:
wearing hurley coat, F21 scarf, delias pants, and grey shirt.

lame picture taken off facebook and cropped on paint D:
all my files are on some hard drive and NOT ON THE COMPUTER because it was... having issues. I'm such a spaz... we were doing an interpretive dance inspired by the nanerpus. My friends and I are going through a bit of an obsession. :D
I believe that is all, really...

is it a wonder you're lonely;

Haro. Were you looking forward to another creepy, sucky picture? Of course you were.wearing my Lydia shirt, grey pants, UO shoes, bracelets from my grandmother.
This is a pretty lame outfit, but I love the colors in this outfit; you can't really tell what they look like from the picture though. Meh.

It may or may not have been because I was wearing my Lydia shirt today, but all day the first thirty seconds or so of this song were stuck in my head. Not even the whole song, just the beginning.

Also, this makes me want to punch someone but at the same time it kind of makes me smile- click:

real time is all we have.

thrifted shirt, delia's skirt, target tights, UO shoes, vintage jewels.

this is kind of a majorly lame photo, but I was in a rush to take it before my brother got home 'cause he doesn't want me to use his camera to be all "vain and emo". And yes, that big box on the dining room table is full of oranges. THERE ARE SO MANY ORANGES AT MY HOUSE.

Today I had no homework so I went to the mall with a couple of friends and bought a guys' sweatshirt for ten dollars, hehee. I don't really know what else to say. Some facebooking and web-browsing and such may bring inspiration and I'll edit this post if I can.

yet another post lacking any substance- enjoy!

Last night, I had a dream that I was in history class, and I got called to guidance. I had no idea why so I was really nervous and when I opened the door to the guidance office it was all white and like modern, and it was a wierd little boutique with lots of plaid shirts, and I think the counselor was like, "Can I help you?". IT WAS SO WEIRD.

Meh.dLast night I set my alarm for ten so I could get some of my homework done, but I ended up waking up at eleven. Daylight savings time is so confusing D:

Today I went to Value Village with a couple friends... I'm pretty much broke so all I got was a boy's flannel shirt, but it was fun and I'm happy with it. Meh. I don't really have anything else of interest to say, and I have a headache which may or may not have resulted from staring at the computer screen for way too long, so I'll end this pointless post.

laterz

I wonder where you aaaarre... I wonder what your thoughts are.

HOLYGOD.

last night I saw Lydia with Black Gold and All the Day Holiday.

IT. WAS. SO. AMAZING. I don't know what to say except it was SO AMAZING and I had SO MUCH FUN. I took some sucky pictures on my phone and if I figure out how to get them on the computer I'll post them. I didn't really know All the Day Holiday or Black Gold before, but they were both amazing and are two of my new favorite bands. Go listen!

Anyway, here's a lame picture of what I wore...I didn't have jewelry or shoes on yet but you get the idea. haha I don't want the world to see the blindingly colorful cave of knickknacks, stuffed animals, clothes and paper that is my room.

h&m dress borrowed from a friend; Delia's tights; random shirt.

on Monday we had a snow day, but today it was almost sixty degrees out... wierd, but I'm not complaining. Among other activities, I hung out at this elementary school with the best playground ever:

that's not even, like, half of it either- it's a really sucky picture taken a long time ago. there's all these tunnels under it and it's just the best thing ever. unfortunately there's arsenic in the wood and they'e supposed to be tearing it down this april. D: I think my friends and I should protest. Really, what's so dangerous about a little arsenic in playground wood? I mean, unless you like ate it or injected it into yourself somehow.

but what I was going to say is
awesome concert last night+awesome weather+general better-than-average mood lately+friends=HAPPY.
I haven't been this happy in a long tme and it feels a little wierd but overall great.

WANT WANT WANT

Is it creepy that I really, really want this pair of shoes intended for men? I don't even care. They are just SO COOL. I finally looked up Swear because some really cool people on Lookbook have them. And I want them. I am trying to decide if I want black or white, but I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about that, at least for a while, because I'm a brokemuffin.

It just occurred to me that I haven't written of anything of substance. Just shoes I want and angst. I guess that's me in a nutshell. Except not really.

Misguided By The 405

SO. Bloggers, if anyone is reading this, the answer to which is most likely NO, I just wanted to apologize, to no one in particular, that I'm going to actually start writing in here for serious. And my birthdaay is March 18th [ :D ] and I'm pretty sure I'm getting a camera so from that point on I will try to post some of my outfits. Won't that be fun!



In other news, my brother told me to draw a self-portrait on Paint in thirty seconds.

Hahaha. I didn't know where to start, and I suck at drawing. On Paint. With a mouse.

I R PUNKZ

SO I could go on another angst rant but right now, surprisingly, I'm not really in the mood. In that case I'm going to go on a rant about shoes. Although I have outgrown my days of wearing studded belts daily, and I'm not trying to dress so poser-emo anymore, I love how lately studs are getting way popular but innot as much of a punkish way but more just awesome and kind of edgy and vintagey rockish way. I really need new shoes [all I've really been wearing lately are my sequined converse, which I adore, but I wear them way too much; and my black blowfish, and my slightly different yellow blowfish.] and I've been lusting after these:

My only fear is that I'll look like a poser. Even so, I need D:

Don't You Ever Get Lonely?

Still obsessed and listening to Lydia. :D
I don't really know. I'm lame and just an angstface. Today wasn't that bad, but I don't really know what to compare it to. I don't know. It wasn't bad. Especially not compared to last night, last night was bad. I don't know why. It just kinda was. I wrote a poem, and it's terrible. Maybe later if I feel like it I'll post it, but it's kind of embarrassing how cheesy and bad it is.

I saw this postcard on PostSecret, and it got me thinking...

It kind of applies to me, only I'm worse- I'm not even ambitious enough to dream. What do I want for the future? All I know is, not this. I don't want my parents, well really just not my dad, to be much of a part of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be with people I love, only I don't know where they're going to be. I want to make enough money to live off at a job I enjoy. The problem is, what job? I guess I'm creative, but I'm not good enough at art or anything of the sort to just be an artist. I'm not musically talented and I can't write. Sports or anything physical is completely out of the question. The problem is, I really don't want to just sit in an office and talk to people on the phone or crunch numbers or sell things. But everyone says they don't want an office job, but I'm not awesome enough to go out there and get what I want, and someone has to do the boring office jobs; what if it's me?

And then there's college. I know I'm only a freshman, but some people say I shouldn't be worrying about college, but everyone already knows what they want to do and where they want to go, and I have no idea what's going on in my life beyond, like, tomorrow. Not that anything ever really goes on in my life. Nothing. It's painfully boring but what is there to do when you're not good at anything and you're so socially awkward that it almost disables you? But anyway. College. That means going away [the good part] and making new friends all over again. I've moved seven times. I don't want to make any more friends. I want to keep the ones I have. But we all have different interests and stuff and it's not like we'll all go to the same college. It terrifies me though.

I want to get out of this situation, this time, but at the same time I don't want to face what's ahead.
I don't want time to stop because then I'll be stuck here.
I don't want to go forward because I'm terrified of what's to come.
Can't someone just tell me if everything's going to be okay?

Don't You Say That I've Gone Crazy.

It's been a while. I don't know why I haven't been updating this. I used to be able to pull up a blank screen and just pour out thoughts. It's not that I don't have thoughts worth pouring out... I've been writing in my real journal a lot more now and that might be part of it. I don't know. No one reads this anyway. I guess I just kind of owe it to you/myself/the blog since I made this wiht intentions of actually writing in it. Part of my non-writing is that when I start really thinking, I start thinking about things I don't want to and it kind of brings me down. Wow, that sounds so melodramatic it makes me want to punch myself. I tend to have that effect on people. Including myself. But anyway. Don't misinterpret that statement- things really aren't that bad for me. I haven't been raped or physically abused, my parents aren't dead, I have a house, and I don't know, those are all stereotypical problems that I get mad at people for bringing up whenever anyone talks about problems. 'Are you starving? Then don't complain.' People like that have a bit of a point but they piss me off! Anyway. Things really aren't that bad, at all, I'm just terrible at handling things, and I'm a wallower. D:



I hate my lameness and I could go on about it forever, but instead I'll talk about things that are awesome.



The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue- my mom recommended this book to me. I finished it last weekend, and it was absolutely amazing. I love the story and it really got me thinking. I haven't been reading much lately but a book like this was all I needed to get back on the reading train. (what's wrong with me? reading train? heh.) I'm not going to summarize it because I'm lame but this girl is dead and like watching what goes on, and I love her perspective and it's a really cool idea of what happens after death. Incredibly interesting- and the somewhat ghostiness isn't even the main point of the book. Read it!



Impulse by Ellen Hopkins- a lot of people like books by her, so I figured this was worth trying. It looked really good so I borrowed it from a friend and read about half at her house, and then she lost it and I just got it back, today actually. Anyway, you don't care about that. I haven't finished it yet but it's great. It's really emotional and I love it.



Illuminate by Lydia- I heard One More Day on AOLradio, and I loved it, so I went ahead and bought the album. I'm listening to it right now, actually. I love it. It's beautiful. Definitely one of my new favorite bands.

What else was I going to talk about? I don't quite remember.
I should be doing my homework anyway.
hasta luego.