wake up your eyes and, darling, your smile

Today was the sort of day that makes you want to go home and sleep and not think and drown my angst in pretty things on the internet. To be honest, I've been having a lot of those days lately.
I've been taking pictures of my outfits pretty much every day before school but I'm too lazy to edit them, and besides, it's really hard to post on here because I don't have my own computer and my parents would more or less kill me if they found this.
I don't really know why I'm writing in here- just kinda feel like it, I guess. My mind is a confusing place to be. I know I had intentions of writing something but I don't really know what. I guess just rambling onto a screen helps me sort out my thoughts. Not really, though.
I don;t know what my problem is. I'm debating publishing this. I think I will, because no one reads this anyway. Gah, that sounds so bitter, but it's really no big deal to me that no one reads this. I mean it would be cool if people read this but it doesn't really bother me- there's no real content of any interest on here anyway, just a few mediocre outfits and some ramblings.
I'm going to stop now because this isn't going anywhere.

Don't You Say That I've Gone Crazy.

It's been a while. I don't know why I haven't been updating this. I used to be able to pull up a blank screen and just pour out thoughts. It's not that I don't have thoughts worth pouring out... I've been writing in my real journal a lot more now and that might be part of it. I don't know. No one reads this anyway. I guess I just kind of owe it to you/myself/the blog since I made this wiht intentions of actually writing in it. Part of my non-writing is that when I start really thinking, I start thinking about things I don't want to and it kind of brings me down. Wow, that sounds so melodramatic it makes me want to punch myself. I tend to have that effect on people. Including myself. But anyway. Don't misinterpret that statement- things really aren't that bad for me. I haven't been raped or physically abused, my parents aren't dead, I have a house, and I don't know, those are all stereotypical problems that I get mad at people for bringing up whenever anyone talks about problems. 'Are you starving? Then don't complain.' People like that have a bit of a point but they piss me off! Anyway. Things really aren't that bad, at all, I'm just terrible at handling things, and I'm a wallower. D:



I hate my lameness and I could go on about it forever, but instead I'll talk about things that are awesome.



The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue- my mom recommended this book to me. I finished it last weekend, and it was absolutely amazing. I love the story and it really got me thinking. I haven't been reading much lately but a book like this was all I needed to get back on the reading train. (what's wrong with me? reading train? heh.) I'm not going to summarize it because I'm lame but this girl is dead and like watching what goes on, and I love her perspective and it's a really cool idea of what happens after death. Incredibly interesting- and the somewhat ghostiness isn't even the main point of the book. Read it!



Impulse by Ellen Hopkins- a lot of people like books by her, so I figured this was worth trying. It looked really good so I borrowed it from a friend and read about half at her house, and then she lost it and I just got it back, today actually. Anyway, you don't care about that. I haven't finished it yet but it's great. It's really emotional and I love it.



Illuminate by Lydia- I heard One More Day on AOLradio, and I loved it, so I went ahead and bought the album. I'm listening to it right now, actually. I love it. It's beautiful. Definitely one of my new favorite bands.

What else was I going to talk about? I don't quite remember.
I should be doing my homework anyway.
hasta luego.

Like a Rocket Through Me

Gah, I always expect there to be a thirty-first of November, and thus December always takes me by surprise. I mean, really? It's December first? Well, I guess it is. Whooo!
Today was a surprisingly good day, especially for a monday... for no particular reason. What was wierd, though, was this motivational speaker. He's the same one who we saw last year, and I thought he was really good last year. This year I found myself a little annoyed. He was definitely a good speaker, and he definitely got it [if you know what I mean... you probably don't.], but something about that speech... I don't know. It was about how everyone hides their problems and wears a mask to fit in and such.... I know all about that, but I hope it got some shallow kids to think about some things. I felt really wierd though, because he would go through all these stories/impersonations of people and their situations and problems and whatnot, and sometimes he would say something like, "Does anyone hear me? Anyone know what that feels like?" And sometimes I felt like there was a big arrow lit up over my head. I don't know. Meh. Wow, I make very little sense.

Hmm, I had something else I wanted to say but I can't seem to remember quite what it was. Get used to this happening a lot.

Hard to Notice What Is Passing With Eyes Lowered.

Oh, I apologize for the lack of posts this week or so. If there is anyone to apologize to, because as far as I know no one reads this. I guess it takes a while to gain any amount of internet popularity...however, I don't know what about this blog would attract such popularity anyway. Well, if you're reading this, I guess someone is, right? I just enjoy putting my random thoughts into the internet. The internet is great, you know? I never get over just how awesome it is. [Wow, I must sound like a wierd hillbilly who just discovered computers. Well, I'm not.] 'Cause you can hide in the internet, but at the same time show yourself to the world, but show yourself how you want to be seen. Am I making sense? You know what, this is a pointless rant. I'll stop now.

Oh, yeah. Happy [belated] Thanksgiving and all that. Mine was pleasant, I suppose, but nothing particularly special. But now it's over, and it's officially Christmas time! Ohh yessss. Now I can finally be all obnoxiously holly-jolly and crap without feeling guilty! I am just sooo excited, Christmas is the best.

Anyway. You're probably wondering what's with my super angsty title. Wellll. I don't know. I'm just so depressingly cheesy with my teen angst and melancholy-ness and lameness and cheese. Blah. If you haven't guessed, I've got abolsutely no life. I know there's lots I should be doing, like trying to write and draw and practice piano... I'm trying to become better at artistic things so I can at least have something to call a hobby. But after school I'm just so tired and don't want to do anything. Holy muffins, I'm so lame and I hate it. Gah, I keep typing these long rants and deleting them because they're not going anywhere, but I think what I'm trying to tell myself is that I can be as lazy as I want, but if I want things to get better I need to get off my arse and do something with my life and give it meaning myself instead of waiting for someone awesome to appear and make everything happy. WHY AM I SO EFFING CHEESY. So much cheese, I'm gonna have a heart attack. Mehh.