A Hermit In My Own Head

happy canada day!

2009-07-01T22:32:00.004-04:00

I don't really have too much to say at the moment.. school's been out for seven days and I've spent them melting my brain and swimming, reading, walking, eating, playing games outside, playing video games, sleeping, and drawing.

I'm in love with this outfit off sea of shoes... normally I'm not too into cowboy boots but those margiela ones are amazing.... short poofy skirts and oversized t-shirts are my favorite things ever, and that necklace is amazing.. perfect colors too. Usually I'm into outfits with tons of layers, but when it's something like this simple is perfect.

645652456789dfgdf

2009-06-21T18:21:00.003-04:00

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading.
I miss how easy it was to write on my old blog. I'm not sure what makes it difficult here.

For one thing, I don't want to make my blog too...intimate? Yeah. I write in a "real life" journal about feelings and angst and friends and crap. No one wants to read that. My therapist probably doesn't even want to listen to it... but she gets paid. But I digress.

I don't really know what I want to write about. Quite honestly I don't have too many interests or hobbies. I'm not really cut out to blog about fashion- as much as I love fashion, I'm not going to pretend I'm as creative/knowledgeable/fashionable/etc as people like Tavi or Laia. I don't get around the interwebz as much as I should, either. In general I don't really do anything that interesting. Then again, especially with summer in three days, I really want to start doing interesting things... I want to start making art again... I used to draw and make things all the time, but when I...uhh, imploded, about two years ago I stopped doing things. I want to start drawing, painting, making random crafts, making clothes, writing, learning piano, and such again. I'm not good at anything, really, but I might as well start trying to do things I like and be productive and not waste so much time.

This is kind of going along with what I was trying to say before I started rambling about art, but I don't want to be pretentious. Pretentiousness is the worst.

It isn't that I haven't been thinking- I overthink everything, and it's kind of scary. But a lot of my thoughts- the ones that might be remotely interesting and aren't OMGPANICDECISIONWHATDOIDONOW, anyway- are difficult for me to articulate clearly. This is probably because I'm not developing most of my ideas past the initial vagueness of them for whatever reason, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm good with words.

falling on the inside from your sky

2009-04-26T19:18:00.005-04:00

sorry for the lack of posting. I'm going to try to start updating this again.
that's what I always say.
anyway.
this picture [from lookbook] kind of makes me implode and I love it.
oihfiasyrwo8374329y5rsdkfjalisd

wake up your eyes and, darling, your smile

2009-04-01T17:50:00.004-04:00

Today was the sort of day that makes you want to go home and sleep and not think and drown my angst in pretty things on the internet. To be honest, I've been having a lot of those days lately.
I've been taking pictures of my outfits pretty much every day before school but I'm too lazy to edit them, and besides, it's really hard to post on here because I don't have my own computer and my parents would more or less kill me if they found this.
I don't really know why I'm writing in here- just kinda feel like it, I guess. My mind is a confusing place to be. I know I had intentions of writing something but I don't really know what. I guess just rambling onto a screen helps me sort out my thoughts. Not really, though.
I don;t know what my problem is. I'm debating publishing this. I think I will, because no one reads this anyway. Gah, that sounds so bitter, but it's really no big deal to me that no one reads this. I mean it would be cool if people read this but it doesn't really bother me- there's no real content of any interest on here anyway, just a few mediocre outfits and some ramblings.
I'm going to stop now because this isn't going anywhere.

let's get out of here.

2009-03-22T19:07:00.007-04:00

this weekend went by too fast.
Yesterday was the most fun I've had in a long time. It was a day filled with sunshine, gummi bears, wood chips, and an amazing school musical. Haha that was like the cheesiest sentence ever.

YESTERDAY:
wearing: my mom's old sweater, grandmother's old locket, volcom t-shirt, target shorts & tights.

ummyeah. I don't know, I'm lame.

& lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I.

2009-03-20T20:16:00.010-04:00

on wednesday [my birthday, hehee] it was deliciously warm and sunny. And then today I wake up, look out the window, and see

THIS:

ummm birthday update time?
in addition to redecorating my room [a work in progress] I got a camera, the ruffly top I'm wearing below, iTunes money, and some CDs, among a few other things. I'm really happy :D
have some pictures.

YESTERDAY:
yes, a picture with my face, finally. I guess one may surface on here from time to time.
wearing free people top and vintage key on a crap chain. and probably some pants. and headphones that so don't go with this outfit :D

TODAY:
really sucky picture taken in a rush before school D:
wearing my mom's sweaterthing, grey t-shirt, ae shorts, target tights, f21 scarf, and sequined converse.
this lame photograph does not do that top's color justice. it is like the perfect shade of teal.

WHY YES, I AM DOING THE NANERPUS DANCE, THANKS

2009-03-15T20:28:00.004-04:00

YESTERDAY// PI DAY:
wearing hurley coat, F21 scarf, delias pants, and grey shirt.

lame picture taken off facebook and cropped on paint D:
all my files are on some hard drive and NOT ON THE COMPUTER because it was... having issues. I'm such a spaz... we were doing an interpretive dance inspired by the nanerpus. My friends and I are going through a bit of an obsession. :D
I believe that is all, really...

is it a wonder you're lonely;

2009-03-11T18:48:00.004-04:00

Haro. Were you looking forward to another creepy, sucky picture? Of course you were.wearing my Lydia shirt, grey pants, UO shoes, bracelets from my grandmother.
This is a pretty lame outfit, but I love the colors in this outfit; you can't really tell what they look like from the picture though. Meh.

It may or may not have been because I was wearing my Lydia shirt today, but all day the first thirty seconds or so of this song were stuck in my head. Not even the whole song, just the beginning.

Also, this makes me want to punch someone but at the same time it kind of makes me smile- click:

real time is all we have.

2009-03-10T18:52:00.005-04:00

thrifted shirt, delia's skirt, target tights, UO shoes, vintage jewels.

this is kind of a majorly lame photo, but I was in a rush to take it before my brother got home 'cause he doesn't want me to use his camera to be all "vain and emo". And yes, that big box on the dining room table is full of oranges. THERE ARE SO MANY ORANGES AT MY HOUSE.

Today I had no homework so I went to the mall with a couple of friends and bought a guys' sweatshirt for ten dollars, hehee. I don't really know what else to say. Some facebooking and web-browsing and such may bring inspiration and I'll edit this post if I can.

yet another post lacking any substance- enjoy!

2009-03-08T18:48:00.003-04:00

Last night, I had a dream that I was in history class, and I got called to guidance. I had no idea why so I was really nervous and when I opened the door to the guidance office it was all white and like modern, and it was a wierd little boutique with lots of plaid shirts, and I think the counselor was like, "Can I help you?". IT WAS SO WEIRD.

Meh.dLast night I set my alarm for ten so I could get some of my homework done, but I ended up waking up at eleven. Daylight savings time is so confusing D:

Today I went to Value Village with a couple friends... I'm pretty much broke so all I got was a boy's flannel shirt, but it was fun and I'm happy with it. Meh. I don't really have anything else of interest to say, and I have a headache which may or may not have resulted from staring at the computer screen for way too long, so I'll end this pointless post.

laterz

I wonder where you aaaarre... I wonder what your thoughts are.

2009-03-07T18:12:00.010-05:00

HOLYGOD.

last night I saw Lydia with Black Gold and All the Day Holiday.

IT. WAS. SO. AMAZING. I don't know what to say except it was SO AMAZING and I had SO MUCH FUN. I took some sucky pictures on my phone and if I figure out how to get them on the computer I'll post them. I didn't really know All the Day Holiday or Black Gold before, but they were both amazing and are two of my new favorite bands. Go listen!

Anyway, here's a lame picture of what I wore...I didn't have jewelry or shoes on yet but you get the idea. haha I don't want the world to see the blindingly colorful cave of knickknacks, stuffed animals, clothes and paper that is my room.

h&m dress borrowed from a friend; Delia's tights; random shirt.

on Monday we had a snow day, but today it was almost sixty degrees out... wierd, but I'm not complaining. Among other activities, I hung out at this elementary school with the best playground ever:

that's not even, like, half of it either- it's a really sucky picture taken a long time ago. there's all these tunnels under it and it's just the best thing ever. unfortunately there's arsenic in the wood and they'e supposed to be tearing it down this april. D: I think my friends and I should protest. Really, what's so dangerous about a little arsenic in playground wood? I mean, unless you like ate it or injected it into yourself somehow.

but what I was going to say is
awesome concert last night+awesome weather+general better-than-average mood lately+friends=HAPPY.
I haven't been this happy in a long tme and it feels a little wierd but overall great.

WANT WANT WANT

2009-03-05T17:55:00.003-05:00

Is it creepy that I really, really want this pair of shoes intended for men? I don't even care. They are just SO COOL. I finally looked up Swear because some really cool people on Lookbook have them. And I want them. I am trying to decide if I want black or white, but I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about that, at least for a while, because I'm a brokemuffin.

It just occurred to me that I haven't written of anything of substance. Just shoes I want and angst. I guess that's me in a nutshell. Except not really.

Misguided By The 405

2009-03-04T18:33:00.006-05:00

SO. Bloggers, if anyone is reading this, the answer to which is most likely NO, I just wanted to apologize, to no one in particular, that I'm going to actually start writing in here for serious. And my birthdaay is March 18th [ :D ] and I'm pretty sure I'm getting a camera so from that point on I will try to post some of my outfits. Won't that be fun!

In other news, my brother told me to draw a self-portrait on Paint in thirty seconds.

Hahaha. I didn't know where to start, and I suck at drawing. On Paint. With a mouse.

I R PUNKZ

2009-02-04T17:18:00.012-05:00

SO I could go on another angst rant but right now, surprisingly, I'm not really in the mood. In that case I'm going to go on a rant about shoes. Although I have outgrown my days of wearing studded belts daily, and I'm not trying to dress so poser-emo anymore, I love how lately studs are getting way popular but innot as much of a punkish way but more just awesome and kind of edgy and vintagey rockish way. I really need new shoes [all I've really been wearing lately are my sequined converse, which I adore, but I wear them way too much; and my black blowfish, and my slightly different yellow blowfish.] and I've been lusting after these:

My only fear is that I'll look like a poser. Even so, I need D:

Don't You Ever Get Lonely?

2009-01-15T16:34:00.006-05:00

Still obsessed and listening to Lydia. :D
I don't really know. I'm lame and just an angstface. Today wasn't that bad, but I don't really know what to compare it to. I don't know. It wasn't bad. Especially not compared to last night, last night was bad. I don't know why. It just kinda was. I wrote a poem, and it's terrible. Maybe later if I feel like it I'll post it, but it's kind of embarrassing how cheesy and bad it is.

I saw this postcard on PostSecret, and it got me thinking...

It kind of applies to me, only I'm worse- I'm not even ambitious enough to dream. What do I want for the future? All I know is, not this. I don't want my parents, well really just not my dad, to be much of a part of my life. I want to be happy. I want to be with people I love, only I don't know where they're going to be. I want to make enough money to live off at a job I enjoy. The problem is, what job? I guess I'm creative, but I'm not good enough at art or anything of the sort to just be an artist. I'm not musically talented and I can't write. Sports or anything physical is completely out of the question. The problem is, I really don't want to just sit in an office and talk to people on the phone or crunch numbers or sell things. But everyone says they don't want an office job, but I'm not awesome enough to go out there and get what I want, and someone has to do the boring office jobs; what if it's me?

And then there's college. I know I'm only a freshman, but some people say I shouldn't be worrying about college, but everyone already knows what they want to do and where they want to go, and I have no idea what's going on in my life beyond, like, tomorrow. Not that anything ever really goes on in my life. Nothing. It's painfully boring but what is there to do when you're not good at anything and you're so socially awkward that it almost disables you? But anyway. College. That means going away [the good part] and making new friends all over again. I've moved seven times. I don't want to make any more friends. I want to keep the ones I have. But we all have different interests and stuff and it's not like we'll all go to the same college. It terrifies me though.

I want to get out of this situation, this time, but at the same time I don't want to face what's ahead.
I don't want time to stop because then I'll be stuck here.
I don't want to go forward because I'm terrified of what's to come.
Can't someone just tell me if everything's going to be okay?

Don't You Say That I've Gone Crazy.

2009-01-14T20:00:00.007-05:00

It's been a while. I don't know why I haven't been updating this. I used to be able to pull up a blank screen and just pour out thoughts. It's not that I don't have thoughts worth pouring out... I've been writing in my real journal a lot more now and that might be part of it. I don't know. No one reads this anyway. I guess I just kind of owe it to you/myself/the blog since I made this wiht intentions of actually writing in it. Part of my non-writing is that when I start really thinking, I start thinking about things I don't want to and it kind of brings me down. Wow, that sounds so melodramatic it makes me want to punch myself. I tend to have that effect on people. Including myself. But anyway. Don't misinterpret that statement- things really aren't that bad for me. I haven't been raped or physically abused, my parents aren't dead, I have a house, and I don't know, those are all stereotypical problems that I get mad at people for bringing up whenever anyone talks about problems. 'Are you starving? Then don't complain.' People like that have a bit of a point but they piss me off! Anyway. Things really aren't that bad, at all, I'm just terrible at handling things, and I'm a wallower. D:

I hate my lameness and I could go on about it forever, but instead I'll talk about things that are awesome.

The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue- my mom recommended this book to me. I finished it last weekend, and it was absolutely amazing. I love the story and it really got me thinking. I haven't been reading much lately but a book like this was all I needed to get back on the reading train. (what's wrong with me? reading train? heh.) I'm not going to summarize it because I'm lame but this girl is dead and like watching what goes on, and I love her perspective and it's a really cool idea of what happens after death. Incredibly interesting- and the somewhat ghostiness isn't even the main point of the book. Read it!

Impulse by Ellen Hopkins- a lot of people like books by her, so I figured this was worth trying. It looked really good so I borrowed it from a friend and read about half at her house, and then she lost it and I just got it back, today actually. Anyway, you don't care about that. I haven't finished it yet but it's great. It's really emotional and I love it.

Illuminate by Lydia- I heard One More Day on AOLradio, and I loved it, so I went ahead and bought the album. I'm listening to it right now, actually. I love it. It's beautiful. Definitely one of my new favorite bands.

What else was I going to talk about? I don't quite remember.
I should be doing my homework anyway.
hasta luego.

I Think I Could Use Some Snow About Now.

2008-12-09T19:17:00.004-05:00

A week? Without posting? I guess so. I haven't had much computer time on the last week and the little computer time I have had has been spent on Facebook [yes, I finally got one; no, I will not link you to it.].
So what's new in the life of me? Not much. At all. In fact, too little. I don't do anything worthwhile with my life and it makes it feel so pointless. I mean, I consider myself a creative person, but when was the last time I did anything creative? I don't even know. Unless you consider putting outfits together creative. I guess it depends. But anyway.
I find it hard to believe that Christmas is in just over two weeks! It actually scares me. Usually I'm looking forward to Christmas long before Thanksgiving, and I guess I have a little bit, but somehow I'm having trouble getting myself into the festive mood. This is really depressing. I'm thinking that part of it is that I'm going to Florida for Christmas, which is not wintery and has no snow or pine trees, and the knowledge that I'm not gonna get very many persents this year. Even so. What's wrong with me?

Like a Rocket Through Me

2008-12-01T21:03:00.010-05:00

Gah, I always expect there to be a thirty-first of November, and thus December always takes me by surprise. I mean, really? It's December first? Well, I guess it is. Whooo!
Today was a surprisingly good day, especially for a monday... for no particular reason. What was wierd, though, was this motivational speaker. He's the same one who we saw last year, and I thought he was really good last year. This year I found myself a little annoyed. He was definitely a good speaker, and he definitely got it [if you know what I mean... you probably don't.], but something about that speech... I don't know. It was about how everyone hides their problems and wears a mask to fit in and such.... I know all about that, but I hope it got some shallow kids to think about some things. I felt really wierd though, because he would go through all these stories/impersonations of people and their situations and problems and whatnot, and sometimes he would say something like, "Does anyone hear me? Anyone know what that feels like?" And sometimes I felt like there was a big arrow lit up over my head. I don't know. Meh. Wow, I make very little sense.

Hmm, I had something else I wanted to say but I can't seem to remember quite what it was. Get used to this happening a lot.

A Lazy Conclusion to a Fun Weekend.

2008-11-30T16:43:00.008-05:00

Haaaaaaaaaah. Would you like to know how I've spent my day? Well, last night I slept over at my friend's house and we stayed up talking till 4 or so, so I guess that counts as today.... anyway. After returning home and showering, I've spent all of today until about five minutes ago cleaning out my room. Oh yes. And now I feel all light and refreshed (lol, refreshed) from throwing out so much junk. It's really sad how much crap I hoard. I'm afraid I'll grow up to be like that lady who was on Oprah that one time, who had like two hundred tons of crap in her house. I'm lazy, but maybe I'll find a link to something about it later. It was pretty gross.

Anyway. I'm happy to report that I've already recieved an early Christmas present: this jacketlike object in black. (Don't worry, I got it at Century 21 so it wasn't $130 like it is on UO.)

Yaaaayyyy! I have to admit that I really like the brown, but I couldn't find that one at the store, and there was no grey in my size. But I already have a grey jacket and black goes with everything, you know? Well, I'm glad because I've been really really in need of a new hoodie [I know this doesn't have a hood. Shuttup!]. SOyeah.
I have no idea why I just told you that, but I did. Meh.

Well, how was your weekend, blogging world? Mine was pretty funnnn. I wish it wasn't ending, though. Sigh, another week of school. Well, wish me luck waking up at 6:05 tomorrow.

Hard to Notice What Is Passing With Eyes Lowered.

2008-11-29T12:58:00.008-05:00

Oh, I apologize for the lack of posts this week or so. If there is anyone to apologize to, because as far as I know no one reads this. I guess it takes a while to gain any amount of internet popularity...however, I don't know what about this blog would attract such popularity anyway. Well, if you're reading this, I guess someone is, right? I just enjoy putting my random thoughts into the internet. The internet is great, you know? I never get over just how awesome it is. [Wow, I must sound like a wierd hillbilly who just discovered computers. Well, I'm not.] 'Cause you can hide in the internet, but at the same time show yourself to the world, but show yourself how you want to be seen. Am I making sense? You know what, this is a pointless rant. I'll stop now.

Oh, yeah. Happy [belated] Thanksgiving and all that. Mine was pleasant, I suppose, but nothing particularly special. But now it's over, and it's officially Christmas time! Ohh yessss. Now I can finally be all obnoxiously holly-jolly and crap without feeling guilty! I am just sooo excited, Christmas is the best.

Anyway. You're probably wondering what's with my super angsty title. Wellll. I don't know. I'm just so depressingly cheesy with my teen angst and melancholy-ness and lameness and cheese. Blah. If you haven't guessed, I've got abolsutely no life. I know there's lots I should be doing, like trying to write and draw and practice piano... I'm trying to become better at artistic things so I can at least have something to call a hobby. But after school I'm just so tired and don't want to do anything. Holy muffins, I'm so lame and I hate it. Gah, I keep typing these long rants and deleting them because they're not going anywhere, but I think what I'm trying to tell myself is that I can be as lazy as I want, but if I want things to get better I need to get off my arse and do something with my life and give it meaning myself instead of waiting for someone awesome to appear and make everything happy. WHY AM I SO EFFING CHEESY. So much cheese, I'm gonna have a heart attack. Mehh.

Tall Just Like a Giraffe, You Have to Climb to Find its Head.

2008-11-21T23:11:00.007-05:00

Good evening bloggers and haaaaappppyyyyy Friiiiiiiiday!
...You wouldn't get that unless you went to my middle school. Which you probably did not. I hope you don't go to my school, no offense or anything. What I mean is that I really just would rather not have people from school reading this just because then I would have to watch everything I said, and it would make me all self-conscious. What if I said something I didn't want people at school to know? Meh. I guess most people from school wouldn't know this was me, anyway.

Anyway. My week went by pretty fast but wasn't particularly bad, which I suppose makes it a good week. Today was a pretty good day... school was meh, goodish. I'm not going to go through everything I did today (not all that much, but still) 'cause that would be pretty boring. I will say that I spent a good portion of this evening playing Connect Four with my friend Vince who is amazing at it. I am proud to say that despite how painfully unobservant I can be, I managed to win five games. Out of like twenty. But that's beside the point. :B

I was looking through random stations on Sirius the other day, and I came across this song The Zookeeper's Boy by Mew. I gave it a listen, mostly cause I thought the name of the song had potential to be really cute, and the pokemon Mew is awesome... and I rather liked it. I suggest you go check it out, it's all cute and dreamy and poppy but not too cutesy.

I believe that's the extent of the random thoughts I've got to share for now. Wow, I'm lame.

Merry Foals Would Make A Good Indie Poppish Band Name.

2008-11-20T15:01:00.010-05:00

Fellow bloggers, let me tell you, I am soooo happy right now! Would you like to know why? Of course you would.

I just got my braces off after ~~I don't even know how long~~ too long!! Yessss indeedy! Unfortunately now I have a bottom somehwhat-retainer-spparatus that tastes all gross and metally... and due to some stupidity I'm going to have to go back tomorrow to get my top retainer, which I must say I am dreading greatly. I mean, at least with braces your speech isn't messed up. Now I get to have a creepy lisp for a few months. Meh.
Anyway, on to non-orthodontics-related topics. Uhhhh.... let's see..

Oh. A pet peeve of mine: incorrect use of the word random. I must admit I am guilty (isn't everyone?) of using this word in some situations where it isn't the best word to use, but come on. Do you really need to refer to anything and everything as random? ...in case you haven't figured it out, the answer to that one is No, you do not. Rant concluded.

It seems that I've run out of things to say.
Wow, I'm lame.

♥Julia

It's The Second Post and I'm Outta Titles Already.

2008-11-18T18:35:00.006-05:00

Guess what? Today's Wednesday. You probably knew that, though, didn't you?

November's almost over. Can you believe it? Fall always goes by so quickly. I guess it's because I'm not in a rut with school yet, and I LOVE autumn. I might go so far as to say it's my favorite season, and I really love all four seasons. I just love the leaves and the nice smell that makes you feel all cozy, and the weather is perfect in early fall 'cause it's pleasantly cool. Chilly enough to break out the favorite jacket, but not so cold you'll freeze without it. Sigh. Well, now that it's almost winter I guess those days are over... speaking of which, it was snowing yesterday morning! Snowing! Well, if you wanna call a few flakes swirling around snowing... but there were snowflakes. I guess it was more of a flurry...

Anyway. Today was a decent day. I've been pretty happy with my outfits these past couple days, despite the fact that I kinda resembled a street child yesterday and today my scarf probably blinded a few people. If I had a camera that wasn't broken I'd take a couple pictures and show you. Maybe I'll go get my mom's camera... Anyway. Speaking of clothing, have I mentioned that I am a clothing/shopping fashion addict? I'm a little hesitant to say fashion because I don't want to imply that I think I'm sooooooo well dressed or all trend-savvy or anything, but I do have a lot of fun being creative with clothes. Hopefully I'll get a new digital camera for Christmas and I'll be able to post my outfits every week or so.

Hmm, I seem to have forgotten what else I was going to say. That seems to be a constant problem for me.
Ah, well, if I remember, there's always the edit button... or maybe I'll just tell you next time I update.

'till then...
I don't know.

And So, Julia Gets a New Blog.

2008-11-16T05:06:00.007-05:00

Wellwellwell. Here I am with my not-so-snazzy [yet] new blog! I was formerly blogging on AOL RED, not that your probably ever read my blog, hehee. I stopped blogging for a while but I've missed throwing my thoughts out into the internet, so here I am. I don't really know what kind of stuff I'm going to be posting on here... probably just my rants, obsessions, and bouts of teen angst. I might post a couple of my outifts once in a while if I feel like it (I'm lazy. And I have a broken camera. D: ) but don't expect this to be a total fashion blog.

I guess I should tell you a little about myself, eh?

My name's Julia. I go by various other names on the internet, this is my current.

I don't really know what to say about myself. I don't really have any normal interests like sports or acting or playing music. I do, however, enjoy art, clothes, eating, sleeping, friends, and the interwebz. I am a loser.

Wow, this has been quite the boring post. Sorry.
Come back soon, won't you?

♥Julia